It’s Monday again, and the world still feels like it’s on fire. What do you do? Well, one option is to let your head fall onto your keyboard in existential surrender. But that won’t make the deadlines go away.
Another option is finding humor in the chaos and deciding that even if things feel quite serious, you don’t always have to take yourself so seriously. Of course, you can’t go making crude jokes to the first coworker who walks by (unless you want to ditch those deadlines for good). You want to be funny and light-hearted in a way that’s appropriate for the workplace — so how do you do it?
To answer that question, comedian Ben Gleib recently joined NLI Co-Founder and CEO Dr. David Rock on an episode of Your Brain at Work Live. Ben shared his thoughts on being funny at work and how it can bring people closer together — if done correctly.
Relatedness makes work more like play
According to Ben, there are three principles people can use to bring more humor to the job: surprise, vulnerability, and honesty. All three stem from his observation that people want meaningful connection with each other, but they’re often afraid to move past politeness.
At NLI, we call this sense of connection “relatedness” — the “R” in the SCARF® Model of social threat and reward. When we have a sense of relatedness with someone, we feel like we belong to a special in-group. We feel safe, so we’re in a better mindset, known as a “toward state,” to trust one another and perform at our best.
Humor also functions as a form of reappraisal, a psychological technique in which we actively see a bad situation in a more positive light. Making light of darker moments can bring some much-needed levity to a depressing or stressful situation.
Here’s how Ben breaks down each of the three principles of humor at work.
Surprise
Not to be confused with shock value, surprise can offer a sense of unexpected delight in an otherwise dreary workday, Ben says. “It’s playing against types, against norms, against expectations. It’s saying the thing you do not expect.”
A sense of novelty triggers the release of dopamine, the reward-seeking chemical in the brain. When dopamine is released, we feel a pleasant sense of curiosity — an excitement that puts us in a toward state, where we lean in to learn more.
For example, Dr. Rock says he knows a leader who will sometimes interrupt heated discussions with a non-sequitur comment — say, a tagline from an insurance commercial — that cuts all the tension in the room. People are so busy processing the silly comment, they forget they were ever angry and can continue with a more cool-headed discussion.
“You just come at things from a strange angle, and it makes your whole existence more fun,” Ben says.
Vulnerability
Of all the social settings guilty of sterile pleasantries, few beat out the workplace. Part of it is sensitivity — it’s wise to avoid offending people as they’re just trying to earn a living. But according to Ben, we’re missing something crucial when we don’t show a little vulnerability with our colleagues.
He recommends self-deprecation as a way to connect with people, to remind ourselves that we’re all imperfect. We all mess up. “Make fun of yourself in a light way,” he says.
So, if you send a harmless email to the wrong person, find a way to turn the embarrassment into vulnerability; lean into the humor of the situation. Maybe you send another email to that person, this time as if you’re emailing your doctor about a foot fungus that has you worried.
One reason self-deprecation is funny is that it plays on differentials of status, the “S” in the SCARF® Model. We tend to find a change in status to be rewarding. Think of the thrill of getting promoted, or the quiet satisfaction of seeing a jerk boss mess up in a meeting.
If you’re a leader, your status can be intimidating to others, so intentionally lowering your status can be disarming for the people around you. It reminds them you’re still human, which can remove some pressure from a high-stakes situation.
Honesty
Along with calling out your own missteps, Ben says it can be funny and cathartic to call out the elephant in the room — what you see in your environment that others might be afraid to mention.
For instance, imagine you just got off a brutal client call. They had almost nothing positive to say about the project, and the team is feeling dejected. Some humor in the form of radical honesty might be in order: “Well, I’m not sure how that could have gone worse — maybe if one of us got sick on camera.”
A little sarcasm (but not too much) can offer some relief during a painful situation, but only if it’s clear the emotional truth of the joke acknowledges what others are feeling. Otherwise, your sarcasm turns to snark or passive-aggressiveness, neither of which will leave people laughing.
Caution ahead
Making jokes at work can lighten the mood and remind people they’re not alone in facing difficult situations. However, a great way to have the opposite effect, Ben says, is to make a particular group the butt of the joke. Avoid this at all costs.
“You can make fun of arbitrary choices people make. You can make fun of things that aren’t inherent to who people are or what they believe,” Ben says. “You can make fun of the lighter things. You can make fun of situations.” But groups? Best to steer clear.
Much of this also involves reading the room. If your company is conducting layoffs, there’s probably no joke that will make up for the deep sadness and anger people feel. There is definitely such a thing as “too soon.” That said, in the normal course of work, humor is a great way to connect with others and stay mindful that work and life don’t have to be soul-sucking grinds. When the world feels on fire, sometimes the only way to cope is by finding some light in the darkness.
